the One who pulls all strings

a gmail buzz from a friend read “had an awesome time at Puri”

on being asked they say

“whenever i feel like i go”.

“whenever He calls, i go”.

sounds like He communicates with everyone but me.

and i thought, “why do i have so much trouble on going to see Him?”. as is told to santa claus, i could say, that i had been a good boy in the past year. then why isn’t He listening to me. so far i had always heard from my friends and relatives, that whenever they feel like, they hop onto a bandwagon and rush off to Puri.

new year, dusshera, someone got a job, someone wants to start something new, some out-of-station visiting relatives or visiting delegates in the office; everyone seems to have some pretence to go to puri. rather puri seemed like a must visit for some guys on every vacation. it hardly counts for a three hours journey from Bhubaneswar.

personally, i too have tried to go to Him, but to no avail. i was always disappointed. we could not travel with ease because of guddi and I wasn’t ready to travel all alone in a town bus. And I wasn’t allowed to ride alone.

my uncle had told me that we would all go to Puri for a family trip, but on each vacation, it was either too sunny or hot (during summer) or it was too cold (during winters). and soon, it slipped off his mind, and he too became little bored of the entire idea.

a few years later, another aunty told me of her experience when she had climbed Nandighosh, and held on to a piece of wood for some support. she felt a little tired so she dozed off holding onto that piece, for a couple of minutes. on waking up she realized that the piece of wood was actually His hand. lucky she.

i told her, to let me come with her sometime. she said, she goes to puri almost whenever she feels a calling. and there’s no stopping her when that time comes. i was amazed, and expressed my desire that i wish to see Him from real close quarters, and i felt it was possible if i go with her. i was suggested that it was possible only if we go there very early in the morning and we might have to bribe a couple of pandas. aunty had agreed but again, whenever her calling came, i was not around.

and finally, there was another unmade attempt. i was always forgotten or never counted in the list, whenever some of my college(insti)mates made their unplanned trip to Puri. as a guy had remarked, “someone deserves to be forgotten”. i tended to agree to his words.

i spoke of my views to some friend who, i guess was sympathizing with me when he told me, “next time i go to Puri sometime alone, i would call you”. later he said, “that was just for consolation”

then there was another friend who told me that we could go to puri, but he wouldn’t exactly ask for any permission from his house, as he might not be allowed. i refrained from this suggestion

finally, i gave up. because, i wondered, all say “jab bulawa ayega tabhi darshan milenge”, then why should i think much? when my turn comes, i will go. why to make any attempt? i thought this till this year’s summer.

this summer, i got a different feeling.

“if we want to be invited by someone, it is futile if we are not equally willing to make an attempt to be there at that event when the invitation arrives.”

i told my cousin, bunu bhai that i wish to see Him this summer, before my joining. he agreed and told me to plan out the dates.

i checked the calendar, and before i could decide on a date the Snanpurnima passed. He was to be kept in the anasara ghara (sick room) for some days, and the day He would recover it would be the time for rath yatra. i thought i could see Him at Gundicha mandira, but then bunu bhai kept busy. my plan and attempt was failing again.

then the Bahuda yatra came after ten days and a sudden urge came in me.

“how about witnessing His sunabesha”.

it was to be conducted the next day, and i suggested Ma to call Mausi form Keonjhor, along with Mausa. But i hadn’t see the time. it was noon and too late to catch the intercity train. Mausa and Mausi still attempted to finish their work, but at the last moment, it rained and they had to cancel their plans.

i immediately called bunu bhai again in the night, and he agreed that we will go to see the Sunabesha the next day. i was elated.

the day i was waiting for had finally arrived.

i woke up next the morning, and i called up my aunty (who had slept on His hand) to ask if she had been to Puri this year. i hadn’t mentioned any of our plans, but she told me that this year she had climbed the rath on the night of Rathyatra and touched Him. i spoke a little of here and there and hung up. i kind of wished to touch Him now. my thirst had increased, but i felt i should be satisfied with what i had in store.

i took my bath, and as i was offering my daily prayers, Ma got a call. bunu bhai had called to say that he was completely wet from the heavy rains splashing near his place. he was going to travel the entire 70kms distance to our house on his bike, and due to the painful downpour he could barely manage a couple of kilometers. Ma silently hung up without any more questions.

it was cancelled again. none of us spoke a word. Ma had earlier mentioned that if i wanted so badly, then she and i could go by the town bus, but i had refused. it was going to be a hectic time in the crowd for Sunabesha at puri and I didn’t wish Ma to be trapped anywhere in that rush.

i was silent till the evening, when i told Ma to come with me to the ISKCON temple at Bhubaneswar. we went to see the entire Sunabesha event there. we waited for a couple of hours. the crowd kept increasing and soon enough the police came to control the situation. the dressing of the Lords was still goin on, and we were told to keep moving. i stayed back, but Ma was pushed along with the mass. i stood for sometime gazing at Him, but then decided to look for Ma. the crowd was going in a revolution, so that everyone could see Him in turns. i believed that i would find her, but just didn’t know how. she seemed lost. and amusingly, i actually went up to a policeman to ask where to announce for missing persons. he asked, “who is missing”. i said, “my Ma”. he gave look of surprise.

“wait for some time, she will be around somewhere.”

and he was correct. i found Ma, holding my helmet and asking a stranger for his cell, to call me. after this entire incident, i finally looked up at His face there, and with a complaining look, i asked

“why don’t you let me come close to you.”

… to be continued